she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
