ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
