i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
