my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize