He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
