im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
