ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
