I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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