it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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