Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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