that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
