I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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