bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
