Don't make out with my wife yet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
