The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
