Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize