ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
