At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize