Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
