i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
