Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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