Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
