She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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