There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
