I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
