i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
