Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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