Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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