Will you blow on my dice?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
