You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My bed smells like the plague
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
