The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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