Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
