why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
