Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
