You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You can't special order awesome
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
