that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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