I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
