i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
