you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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