So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
