I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
