three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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