It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize