Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
