I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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