just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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