Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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