Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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