My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
