Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize