I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
