East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
