Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize