Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
time to smoke my breakfast
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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