I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
