"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
