Having a random hookup so left but love u
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
