either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
