My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
either way he was missing a nipple.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize