Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
