....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
