You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
