My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
