I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
