So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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