the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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