If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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