No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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