btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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