I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
