i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
