Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
