Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
