I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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