can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
